Movements From A Requiem
by Des'ree
Summary: Sara finds a lost letter from her father. "I bought you a bright red bicycle for your fifth birthday".


Movements From A Requiem

Summary: Sara finds a lost letter from her father. "I bought you a bright red bicycle for your fifth birthday".

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**_For my daughter, on the event of her 18__th__ birthday._**

_Sara._

_I bought you a bright red bicycle for your fifth birthday. Do you remember that? It was ruby red with tassels hanging from either end, a small basket rested above the front wheel. I remember how you giggled when you un-wrapped it, how your brown hair danced in loose curls over your shoulders and how your brown eyes shined with delight. The bruise that marked your left collar bone barely showed through the strap of your cotton dress._

_Your giggles still haunt me in my dreams, you know I never meant to hurt you – you would just always step in front of your mother. Five years old and my little Sara was already a protector. I remember the looks your mother gave me on that birthday, the contempt in her eyes, she thought I was trying to buy your love – and she was right. It worked though didn't it, well at least for a while. _

_You rode that bicycle for years. Whenever you ran away you would jump on it, the little bells on the side giving you away. I remember the day it broke. You were eight. You'd dropped the dishes on purpose, I had a headache, you wouldn't clean up the mess, your mother kept sobbing. _

_I remember breaking it. Tearing the metal apart into small ruby bars, each set alongside the house in a straight line, the tassels blowing in the wind until they were gone. I smashed the bells. _

_You wouldn't talk to me for weeks after that – not that you would talk to me on most occasions, you would spend your time nursing your mothers' bruises. And sometimes your own. _

_Do you remember our holiday? The one to Florida? I took you to meet Mickey Mouse. I think you loved me that day. I have beautiful pictures of you with the princesses, you fitted right in, not a single bruise marked you that day. It was a moment you deserved._

_You always cared too much, my sweet little Sara. You would collect the animals with the broken wings, the abandoned puppies in the street, the spider upside down drowning within the toilet. You saved them all. No life was too petty for you to save. _

_I think I envied you and hated you at the same time. You were sweet, compassionate, intelligent and beautiful. You were my daughter. _

_I just wanted you to know, my Sara, that I never meant to hurt you. All those times I made you bleed, all those scars and bruises, I want you to forget them. When you read this letter you will be eighteen. You will have left this place by now. No longer trapped by your mother and me. Some days I think I'll never see you grow up – neither of us will. I don't think we deserve to. _

_So, my little Sara, with your sparkling eye and endless compassion. I just want you to remember one thing, one tiny thing. I love you. No matter how often I contradicted that statement, I want you to know that its' true._

_I'm sorry._

_Dad._

The letter was crinkled and crushed now, torn and worn by years of reading and years of tears. Sara smoothed it back into its envelope and tucked it back into the back of a draw. She turned to stare in the mirror, all she could see staring back was a five year old version of herself. She had long brown hair, the curls twisted into knots, the fringe hanging in her eyes as she thought heavily. Before her was the ruby red bicycle, it was as beautiful as the day she'd received it, she'd loved that bike, she would ride it for hours pretending to fly away to somewhere where it didn't hurt.

She studied the mirror, her five year old self staring back, a purple poppy bruise marked under her chin – if you didn't look you'd never know it was there. She leant into the mirror watching her eyes, as the sparkles faded out and the image of her mother dying faded in. Tears no longer fell. She wasn't that girl anymore.

Turning from the mirror, Sara fell onto her bed, her body aching as though she were five years old again. Only this time she would need more than a ruby red bicycle. How she loved that bicycle.

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Reviews would be lovely. Also whether it's best left as a one shot, or if I should include some more letters...any thoughts are always more than welcome! 


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